An Ode to Military Mamas

These past few months have been some of the hardest of my life.  I didn't think that things could get much more difficult after having a newborn and having my Mom die out of the blue.  But I was wrong.  While all of that was happening at least I had Working Dad at home to cry to and fight with.  Now it's just me and the kiddos.

I've talked about this solo parenting thing before, but I just can't believe how hard it is. 

For me the hardest part is that I'm not a single parent.  I know that seems strange, it's not that I want to be a single parent, but having him flit in and out of our lives like this makes it just so so hard.  Now, Working Dad, please don't read/read to much into this, it's not that you are doing something wrong, it's just the way life is.

Which brings me to some of my new heroes.  The mamas (and some Daddys) who stay at home while their counterpart is off in the military.  Case in point- my wonderful cousin with her hubbie and two kiddos. 

She did the whole after birth thing/raising her daughter without Daddy for months after she was born.  But she wasn't actually alone.  Her wonderful husband has always been a part of their daughter life.  Phone calls, e-mails, etc. Breaks and time away to be at home, etc.  But while he's a parent (and a damn good one at that) he's not there everyday.  Everyday it's mommy and babies and Daddy as a far off figure.

This is what makes it so hard and amazing.  That these women are constantly helping their children understand that Daddy loves them, and is doing his job somewhere else.  That he's not with them, but that's not what matters.  They deal with the emotions of Dad's to short visits, and phone calls. They deal with breakfast and bed time and everything in between.  And I am in awe of them.


They are sacrificing for me.  For my children.  For our family and all the families in America.  They are taking on the burden of solo parenting for the sake of our safety.  They guide their children through life and battle those difficult moments for the safety of America.

Even when Daddy comes home they are at the whim of something bigger than them.  Transfers and orders and things they just can't pick and choose about.  At least I made this choice all on my own. And I can change it in an instant.

We're doing it for Working Dad's new job.  Had I known exactly what I was getting into, I might have chosen differently.

But my cousin- she is truly the hero.  Everyday raising her wonderful and gorgeous babies.  Thank you to you and your Husband for making us safe in our beds at night.  For giving me vision to see that I can do this.  That I get to talk to my hubbie each night and that the few times I was in tears and overwhelmed he just got in his car and showed up on my doorstep an hour later.  She didn't have that option.  She, and they, are amazing.

Five Year's Past

Five years ago I married the love of my life.  Five years ago we stood under the chuppah promising to make a home together and a family.  We took vows, signed paperwork, and made a commitment.

I can't believe how much has changed in these five years.  For the good, the bad, the in-between.

For dinner on Sunday night I made Anne Burrell's braised lamb (make the gremolata- it really takes the flavors up a notch!)  I took the lamb out of the freezer at about 10am, and at about 2pm I realized I had better get cooking or those lamb shanks wouldn't be good eating for anyone.  And then I pureed my veggies, realized I didn't have carrots so made a substitution, browned my lamb, added my wine.   I just did it all and threw it in the oven.

As Working Dad and I took our first bites he asked me if I would have been able to do that five years ago.  And I couldn't help but think back to the dinners I was making then.

I've always been a decent cook, but throwing together braised lamb without a care in the world and a tiny human holding on to my pants legs- that was a different experience altogether.  There's no way that I would have been doing a recipe like that without tons of stress and worry.  I didn't even know what I was going to do with the lamb until about 2:30pm when I decided to look up a few recipes.  But that's not quite the point...

It wasn't until he said anything that I realized that I've changed so much too.

1. I've grown happy in my mothering.  It's not scary, or overwhelming.  Each day has it's ups and downs, but as Samantha from Sex in the City says "I'm happy everyday.  Not all day everyday, but everyday."  Sometimes EG and Ocho are just making me want to scream.  But honestly, I love it all.  It feels good have a day when everything clicks into place with the dishes, the laundry, games and fun with the kiddos and love with my husband.  But even on those days when nothing falls into place I value being a mother every day.

2. I've grown happy in being a wife.  It makes me happy to work towards Shalom Bayit in my household.  To focus my thoughts and attentions on him and his world.  To do my best to make our home a lovely place to come home to, a place he wants to be and enjoy.  Sometimes we aren't on the same page, but the flowers he brings me help me know that we're all in it together.

3. I've grown contented in my beliefs.  Being Jewish has always been a core part of who I am, but as I've had children, become a wife I've reached deeper and deeper into my faith to find answers.  The Torah has so many lessons for us, and the commandments are wonderful guidelines to help us find answers.  Whenever I've reached a tremendous cross-road in my life I've come to realize that Torah has the answer.

4. I need my extended family more than ever.  Being without my mom has been so very difficult.  It's still a challenge every day to miss her, not talk to her, and not be able to hear her laughter.  The hugs one gets from a mom aren't found anywhere else.  It's not something that's been five year's in the making, but I'm hoping that as we cross over the one year mark here in a few months that I'll be able to learn to live with her, without her a bit better.  It's taught me just how valuable and important my family is.  To truly enjoy the sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles and cousins that I have.  I only wish that some of them didn't make it so difficult to love them.

Jewish Summer School at Home...?

 Now that the summer is almost upon us, I'm working hard to set-up a mini curriculum for EG.  She'll be home for at least the first portion of the summer, since we'll be moving through July.  I think we've found a great new school for her, but we're still waiting until we are absolutely sure (aka closing on the property) to tell EG.

So, in the meantime I'm going to keep her home.  But I don't want to have weeks and weeks of complete chaos.  I know that kiddos thrive on routine, and without a game plan I'm afraid that we'll end up totally sick of each other in just about every way.

In getting together a game plan, I've started with a Jewish piece.  I've always wanted to bring more Jewish learning into our home- somehow bridge the gap between what she is learning at school (orthodox environment) and what we do at home (Reformadox).  So I've collected a few books.

Obviously I haven't been using these very much yet, but I'm excited to jump in.  Once I've used a few of the lesson plans, I'll come back and give an updated review.

1. Morah Morah, Teach Me Torah.  I chose this book because it goes through each of the weekly parsha.  It gives a clear and easily understood, developmentally appropriate overview of the parsha.  Then it goes on to give dozens of interactive/multimedia ideas about how to engage with what we are learning.  My favorite part is the interactive family discussion questions for the dinner table.  Not all of them are suitable for EG right now, but I'm thrilled that we'll be able to 'grow' into the book.

2. What's Jewish about Butterflies.  This book takes a totally different approach and explores what we might consider as 'ordinary' objects and adds some ideas about how to explore the Jewish roots or pieces of these ideas.  I got this one because I'm positive that I'll be doing some version of teaching EG letters, and I love the idea of a theme for the week.  That's something they do at her school now, so it will feel familiar for me to do it as well.  This way I can also throw in Jewish ideas into everything we do.  The school we are thinking about putting EG into also uses a book by the same author into how to incorporate Judaism into everyday classroom experiences.

3. Jewish and Me, a Teachers guide to Holidays.  This one also has a bit of a lofted view for EG right now, but I loved how it gives specific questions for each of the holidays to ask the children.  It gives a lesson plan approach, which I don't think I'll use, but will give me a framework to add additional things to the holidays.  Technically this is a companion book to the specific books about each holiday.  I got it because I think that I can use other pictures, etc to do what they are doing.  And I didn't want to buy the whole series.

Things I'm loving

It's an odd day for there to be a few different internet ideas or television items that I'm loving, but right now, I couldn't help but share these two:

1.  This breastfeeding video.  You all know I'm pro breastfeeding, and I'm also totally anti the cover.  It's just not a thing for me.  I'm not embarrassed and I just don't want to create a whole situation where I don't feel comfortable nursing and feeding Ocho, or any other baby I might have.  That's not to say that I'm not happy to go somewhere private if it's convenient for me and her.  Honestly she's a bit distractable when I'm nursing, so a little privacy can really help.

There have been so many moments when I haven't felt comfortable.  Both strangers, and I'm sad to say, members of my own family and social circle have made me feel like nursing isn't okay.  But that's fine, I'm still going to nurse her when she needs it.

I've  enjoyed nursing both of my girls.  There are definitely moments when it's tiresome, or bothersome, but most moments I enjoy the connection.  With Ocho I'm constantly reminded that this time period is so short.  If this was EG I would will only be nursing for a few more months... these are beautiful moments with mother and child, and I hope that the world begins to recognize that.  I'm just a mother, breastfeeding her baby.

2. This commercial about taking vacation.  It's tone is a little negative (I'm not a fan of trying to guilt anyone into doing anything, even taking vacation) but I love that there's a 'movement' to take more time off.  It's true how often we hear that we can't possibly take time off.  There's nothing like a vacation to reconnect the family.  Between time together and no responsibilites even a weekend getaway can reconnect a family.

Here's to embracing our vacation time.  Here's to recognizing that as important as our work is, our legacy in the world is our family.  What will stay with us forever are the families we create and the memories we have with them.  No one knows that better than someone who just lost their mom.  We're about to go on a memorial vacation with my side of the family.  How sad that we couldn't get it together to get together before she died.  That the last family vacation we had was in October of 2014....

Oh well- embrace the moment.  Take the time off!

A Shabbat Home : Home for Shabbat

As we've been packing, moving, having the new owners come in to take measurements, inspections, etc. it's seemed like our home has become less and less ours, and more and more just a place to stay.

As I walk through my beautiful living room and into my kitchen I don't feel the warmth of my household- I see the debris of a life half boxed away.  Despite the warm onion soup on the stove, despite the clean bibs hanging from the handles, despite the cup of milk drunk by my daughter on her way out the door this morning.

It's in this home, or not home, if you will, that I'm struggling to make a Shabbat worth having.  We don't have to many Friday's to spend here in this home, and despite it's lack of homeyness, I'm going to try.  So I give to you my tried and true tips for making a home ready for Shabbat.

1. Tidy Tidy Tidy.  The best thing about Shabbat is that cleaning is off the table, and if you are anything like me it's barely on the table on a given Tuesday, let alone among the craziness and hecticness of a move.  But tidying is much easier.  Clean off those surfaces, put away all the laundry, and ensure that all the shoes go back where they need to.  Put toys in the kiddos' bedrooms, and then it will feel clean, even if the spilled onion soup is still on the floor.

2. 7 minute Rooms.  I realize this is sort of funny, but I have a 7 minute bedroom policy.  I walk through the house with my small supply of cleaning (broom, dustpan, windex, general household spray, sponge, and paper towels) and set my timer for 7 minutes.  This also includes any tidying for these rooms as well.  That way I know I've spent some time in each room making it a little bit nicer.  I make the beds, I put take away things that don't belong, and believe me even though it doesn't seem like a lot of time if you really invest in it, it's totally enough.

3. The Shabbat Table.  I have some linens and napkins, etc. that we only take out for Shabbat.  When everything else feels crazy if the table is set and looks nice then at least the place where you spend the most of your time will feel like a wonderful respite from the week.  Regardless of the rest of the house, a nice Shabbat table can set you worlds apart for the evening.

4. Plan some conversation.  One of the nice things about Shabbat is that it's away from the drudgery of the everyday.  We are so so very stressed in our lives, all of us are.  In our family right now the move, the logistics, the new house, all of it are eating away at the fabric of our family.  So I like to plan a few conversation starters that might lead us away from the drudgery and into the light.  I always start with reading the torah portion for the week.  Sometimes I click over to cnn.com to read a few headlines.  It's nice to get away from the usual work/chores/daily life conversations.

5. Just enjoy!  The best thing we can do on Shabbat is to give ourselves a little rest, peace and be a bit nicer.  To ourselves, our husbands, our children, our kitties...  Sometimes we put to much pressure on ourselves, and we have to remember that Shabbat is a gift.  A gift of time to spend relaxing, enjoying, pausing to reflect on our wonderful life.  Even if there are shoes and toys everywhere.  Even if you're serving shrimp.  Even if the table is covered with sticky fingerprints made of strawberry jelly.

Shabbat Shalom!

MIA: Sorry

So in the past week since I've last posted we've had Shavuot, Yitzkor, Memorial Day, Society for Creative Anachronism war, and we've sold our house.

Yup, you read that right, we've sold our house.  That's what's been keeping us up at night.  Our home is officially in escrow, and we leave the lovely and amazing South Bay at the end of June.

No turning back now.

You may think that we've got it all worked out.  That we are ready to rock and roll and pack and move.  And that would be awesome....

Except we aren't.  We haven't gotten a place to move into.  We were thinking about moving in with my dad, but a trial run of us being there resulted in one kiddo waking the other continuously throughout the night and my cat deciding to viciously pee all over the place.  Did I mention that EG also decided it would be a good time to stop being potty trained and she pooped all over herself and her bed?  Did I also mention my dad just got new carpet in the whole house...?  Lovely...

So we are figuring it out.  And I'm trying hard not to freak out to much....

Shavuot- Crafts for Kiddos

Wow- it's already time for Shavuot!  This year it coincides with Memorial Day weekend, which can make it an even more exciting holiday for all of us.

The holiday of Shavuot is celebrating that giving of the Torah to on Mt. Sinai.  The official moment when the ten commandments were given to the Jews of the world.  There is a precept that all Jewish souls that were ever going to be on earth were present when the 10 commandments were given.

In temples and congregations around the United States people everywhere are perfecting their cheesecake and blintz recipes.  It's the moment for the ice cream party of all ice cream parties, and while that's awesome, it's not exactly what I want my children to focus on when it comes time for Shavuot.

So, to celebrate the more religious aspect of the holiday, I present to you this 10 commandment craft for the kiddos:

Step 1:  Get one piece of white card stock for each child that will be doing a project.  I chose 12x12, but 8.5x11 is totally fine.  12x12 is scrap booking paper and I have a ton of it hanging around the house.

Step 2: Allow each child to choose one paint color- brush on hand to cover all the palm print.  Apply hand to paper.  Repeat with the second hand.

 Step 3:  Read off childs version of the 10 commandments, and assign each finger to a commandment.  In this case I also let EG choose which color pen I should use for each finger.  She really enjoyed that part.

The commandments for kiddos are very close to what they are in the Torah, except a bit simpler to explain and understand.

1. There is only one G-d
2. We should not make pretend G-ds
3. G-ds name is special
4. Remember Shabbat is a day to rest and say thank you.
5. Listen to your parents and take care of them
6. Do not hurt people
7. Love and look after everyone in your family
8. Do not take things that belong to other people
9. Do not say things that aren't true
10. Be happy with what you have.

I really like this version, because its simple and it re-enforces things that we want EG to do anyways.

I will be framing this and putting it up on EG's wall, a constant reminder of the top 10 commandments from G-d.

Do you have any shavuot crafts you'll be doing?