I can't believe how much has changed in these five years. For the good, the bad, the in-between.
For dinner on Sunday night I made Anne Burrell's braised lamb (make the gremolata- it really takes the flavors up a notch!) I took the lamb out of the freezer at about 10am, and at about 2pm I realized I had better get cooking or those lamb shanks wouldn't be good eating for anyone. And then I pureed my veggies, realized I didn't have carrots so made a substitution, browned my lamb, added my wine. I just did it all and threw it in the oven.
As Working Dad and I took our first bites he asked me if I would have been able to do that five years ago. And I couldn't help but think back to the dinners I was making then.
I've always been a decent cook, but throwing together braised lamb without a care in the world and a tiny human holding on to my pants legs- that was a different experience altogether. There's no way that I would have been doing a recipe like that without tons of stress and worry. I didn't even know what I was going to do with the lamb until about 2:30pm when I decided to look up a few recipes. But that's not quite the point...
It wasn't until he said anything that I realized that I've changed so much too.
1. I've grown happy in my mothering. It's not scary, or overwhelming. Each day has it's ups and downs, but as Samantha from Sex in the City says "I'm happy everyday. Not all day everyday, but everyday." Sometimes EG and Ocho are just making me want to scream. But honestly, I love it all. It feels good have a day when everything clicks into place with the dishes, the laundry, games and fun with the kiddos and love with my husband. But even on those days when nothing falls into place I value being a mother every day.
2. I've grown happy in being a wife. It makes me happy to work towards Shalom Bayit in my household. To focus my thoughts and attentions on him and his world. To do my best to make our home a lovely place to come home to, a place he wants to be and enjoy. Sometimes we aren't on the same page, but the flowers he brings me help me know that we're all in it together.
3. I've grown contented in my beliefs. Being Jewish has always been a core part of who I am, but as I've had children, become a wife I've reached deeper and deeper into my faith to find answers. The Torah has so many lessons for us, and the commandments are wonderful guidelines to help us find answers. Whenever I've reached a tremendous cross-road in my life I've come to realize that Torah has the answer.
4. I need my extended family more than ever. Being without my mom has been so very difficult. It's still a challenge every day to miss her, not talk to her, and not be able to hear her laughter. The hugs one gets from a mom aren't found anywhere else. It's not something that's been five year's in the making, but I'm hoping that as we cross over the one year mark here in a few months that I'll be able to learn to live with her, without her a bit better. It's taught me just how valuable and important my family is. To truly enjoy the sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles and cousins that I have. I only wish that some of them didn't make it so difficult to love them.
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