Remember New Mothers....

Remember that they were inside you for 9 months.

Remember that in 9 months they will likely be able to crawl.

Remember that at 2am and all you want to do is sleep, all they want in the world is you.... your smell, your touch, your voice.  All they have known in this world...

Remember that it's a short timespan.  That this...

Becomes this... before you know it.

Remember that despite the long nights, she is looking into your eyes with love.

Remember that you created those eyes, and those toes- you, her dad and G-d.

Remember that you've sustained her life since it was conceived, and if you are breastfeeding all she's ever had to sustain her was you.

Remember that she's not demanding you to be selfish.

Remember that she's not in it for anything.

Remember that sometimes it's okay to let her cry- that the carseat must be buckled, and the trip to the bathroom by yourself when you thought she was asleep won't cause her to think she's unloved.

Remember that you have support- that family, those friends, all those people who love all of you.

Remember.  At two am, know that I'm remembering for you.

Shabbat Shalom- may your night be wonderful, and your Shabbat be restful...

The birth story of Ocho

When EG was born, I was in labor for 27 hours.  It started slow, we went to the hospital way to early, and then at 17 hours I had an epidural.  You know all about the aftermath, but the labor itself was long and exhausting.


When we were planning our 'strategy' for what was important for us delivering Ocho, we concentrated on the final phase of labor, the pushing, a lot.  We thought about when to go to the hospital, and made plans to get there much later than last time.

So here's the story of Ocho:


Contractions started around 4am on Sunday night/Monday morning.  I had been having trouble sleeping all night, waking up about every hour or so from 11pm until 3am.  Around 4am was when I realized what was waking me up wasn't having to go pee, but rather contractions that were becoming too much to sleep through.

I had read somewhere that having a glass of wine and a bath or shower could slow contractions, so I opened a bottle and got in the shower.  I was hopeful to be able to get back in bed, at least until the sun rose. The heat helped, but the wine definitely didn't make the contractions go away.  I took a few contractions in the shower, then thought I would lay on the couch to rest and still be awake enough to breathe through them.  I texted our doula Holly, and my cousin Ellen who would be taking care of EG in the morning.

Around 6am I turned on the TV and was started watching a new show that looked interesting, I thought I would keep myself occupied.  Through this whole time I hadn't woken up Working Dad yet.  I wanted him to get as much sleep as possible, anticipating that we would have a long day of labor ahead of us, and that maybe Ocho would be born sometime in the Monday/Tuesday early morning.  I ate some cheerios, thinking that I needed to keep my strength up.

Around 6:30am the contractions started to get heavier and more painful, so I got back in the shower.  Working Dad's alarm goes off on a typical Monday morning around 7am, so around 6:45am in the shower I started banging on the wall to call him into the bathroom.  He was so dazzed and confused.  It was sort of adorable if I hadn't been in a lot of pain.  He turns off the water, thinking that I need help getting out of the shower.  I yell at him and try to explain that I'm in labor, that the water's helping and that I want him to apply counter pressure to my back. We stay in the shower through one more contraction, but then I'm totally done with that.  We start sort of wandering the house- I'd stop through the contractions.  We watched 'The Lottery' together, and I just sort of struggled through the contractions.

I got back into the shower- the heat had seemed to help, and I love the shower.  At that point Working Dad had texted Holly who had responded that she would be at the house around 10am.  At this point it's somewhere between 7-8am, and I tell him that he needs to call her, that 10am isn't early enough, and that I'm not sure that I can make it through natural childbirth if it's going to be like this for the whole day.

We start hearing this chirping noise- it's the fire alarm making a low battery or signal.  I make Working Dad deal with it, because it's driving me crazy.  Unfortunately all he manages to accomplish is making all the alarms in the house go off.  Which panic's EG, who was just resting in her bed waiting for Daddy to come get her. Working Dad was planning to take EG to school, but at this point I'm sort of freaking out.  I tell him that he can't leave me alone, so he talks to Ellen, who agrees to come over and be with me.  Around this point I've been in the shower, and am having serious doubts about what's happening.

Ellen comes, but Working Dad decides he's not leaving me. He gets EG ready, and Ellen takes her to school in our car.  Then Working Dad gets a message from Holly, who suggests that we walk, and that I circle my hips, and that I stay upright.  We sort of dance through the house, and I have him put on some music for us to listen to.  We sort of find our groove, but at least once a contraction gets away from me and I burst into tears telling him that I'm going to die.

I get really hot so I go into our air conditioned bedroom and lie on the floor.  He's on the phone to Holly and I'm telling them both that I can't do this, and that I want to die, and that it's horrible.  Somehow he gets me off the floor, and we're back to circling my hips.  Ellen comes back, and Working Dad goes to talk to her.  I'm stating emphatically that we need to go to the hospital.  Working Dad wants to wait for Holly.

Ellen comes in, and I'm in a towel, and she says I think you should go to the hospital.  Working Dad really wants to wait, but I am insistent this time.  I tell him that we're going to the hospital, I'm getting some drugs, and that I'm really sorry insisted on hiring a doula and trying to have a natural childbirth.

We're trying to get to the car, and I throw on my negligee.  Working Dad is getting stuff, locking up, etc.  and I am focused on stupid things- EG's present, the air conditioner, etc. I have at least 3 contractions on the way to the car, grabbing onto Ellen and breathing hard, concentrating on my breathing.  Working Dad puts down a puddle pad on the seat and says should I go fast, or smoothly.  I say just go!  We start to go, and it's the most horrific car ride of my life.  It's around 9:17am when we get in the car, and I remember a crazy contraction that seems to last until after 9:22am.  Working Dad calls Holly and tells her we're in route to the hospital, so she turns around to join us.

I call my sister in law (the natural childbirth guru!) and tell her that this is insane, I'm going to the hospital to get drugs and that I can't do it.  She tells me it's okay, that I'm awesome.  I tell Working Dad that I'm sorry we paid for a doula. That I'm making a choice for drugs, and that it's okay- I won't blame him.  I complain that I wish this was my sisters birth, since her baby was born at 10am, and this one likely won't come for hours.

We get to the hospital, I step out of the car, and I think I pee down my leg.  It's my water breaking.  I have no recollection of my water breaking with EG, so I have no idea what this really means. I get wheel chaired up to the maternity wing, and they put me in triage.  Working Dad is there, and there's an issue with the paperwork...  A midwife comes in to check me, and I initially say no, I need a doctor.  But I change my mind, she checks me and it turns out that I'm 8 centimeters dilated. 

8 CENTIMETERS dilated!  WHAT!  WHAT!  I've only been in labor for 5 hours, I can't be 8 CENTIMETERS dilated! HOLY WHAT!

This whole time Working Dad has been dealing with the paperwork, and trying to get Holly upstairs.  Turns out that he left our birth plan in his other bag, so the midwife asks me what's important.  I tell her that the placenta needs to deliver on it's own- that she can't pull on the cord and that this is the most critical thing.  We get moved immediately to a labor and delivery room. They try to put the monitors on me, but I refuse to get back on the bed, so they tape them to me.  I'm standing there and Holly arrives, and Working Dad leaves to go and get all of our stuff.

I have about 4-5 contractions with Holly.  She's amazing, helping me through the contractions.  Working Dad gets back up to the room and they are trying to put an IV in me.  I don't need antibiotics, but they still want a hep-lock. I am determined to get back in the shower.  We head that way, Working Dad gets in his bathing suit and I wait on the toilet for the water to get warm.

I'm sitting on the toilet and something changes.  Something pops.  I'm in the shower, and I'm totally starting to push, and I tell them that the baby is coming.  That it's time to push.

I hear them state that they are preparing for a delivery in the shower.  Working Dad says, heck no, and physically lifts me up to get me to the bed.  There is a nurse there with a gown for me, and I shove her away.  I feel so bad, I apologize profusely, she says it's okay, just get on the bed, it's okay.  I'm totally naked and fine with that. Holly is there, the Midwife is there, and she's letting me push however I want.  I roll over onto my right side and we start to push.  The contractions are really far apart now, but not as painful.  I just let my body do what it does, I don't really push at all.

Then the head starts to come out.  We're all working together for me to push out the baby without tearing or having any problems.  We're going really slow, and all of a sudden I'm screaming my head off.  The ring of fire.  It seems to last forever- how slowly her head is coming out.  Holly keeps asking if I want to touch it, but I just want to lie there, and have it be over. It takes another 3 contractions, then her head is out.  No tearing, no episiotomy.  Even though I'm screaming, it's oddly relaxing, and calm.  It's totally different than birthing EG.

Then the shoulders pass, and we find out it's a girl.  She's up on my chest, and we're letting the cord pulsate.  The midwife (Esther) is amazing. She's been so wonderful, working with me, keeping it all together.  Being totally available to whatever works for me.

Ocho is born at 10:32am.  Just about an hour after we've arrived at the hospital.  I don't think we could have cut it much closer.

We wait until just about 10:45am, then they cut the cord.  They wait until just before 11am when the placenta delivers.  It's HUGE.  I can't believe how big it is, and how healthy it looks.  It's totally complete, and that's a big relief.

Ocho is breastfeeding already- she latches on like she's a champ.  They clean everything up, and we just sit there, reveling in the fact that we did it. Working Dad gets some time, he holds her and bonds with her.  It's amazing how enchanted he is.  He spends 2 minutes with her and knows that she's his.

 They finally weigh her, and I can't believe that I naturally delivered a 9lb 5oz baby.  So many crazy things happening today. 

But we did it.  I never had any drugs, not even some post delivery pitocin.  Just me, my body, my husband, our doula, the midwife.  Amazing.

 

Welcome Ocho!

Sorry to have been MIA- you may have guessed that it's because B2 has decided to enter the world.  Without further ado- I humbly introduce OCHO:

It was a worldwind delivery (6 hours from wake-up in bed, to delivery of baby!) and a wonderful natural birth.  I'll tell the whole story later this week.

She was delivered at 9lbs, 5oz, so a large little girl.  Both of us are totally healthy, happy, and recovering at home. 

Exuberant Girl seems to be loving Little Ocho so far, and all is well with the family at home.  EG has been going to school regularly, and we've been holed up in the house since returning yesterday afternoon.

Sorry I'm not writing much, but Ocho is crying in the background, so it seems it's time to eat.

Why Ocho you ask?  She's granddaughter number 8 on my husband's side, and it seems a bit better than to continue calling her B2.  Until we know a little more about her and can settle on a better blog name for her.

The truth about Pregnancy 40+ weeks

Let's be honest, there isn't anything that wonderful about being 40+ weeks pregnant.  It's not the end of the world, but it's also not the best.  Here are some of the realities:

1. EG can literally stand underneath my belly and I can't see her at all.  I realize that if you've been pregnant, you stopped seeing your feet sometime around week 30-35, but there's something particularly extra special about loosing your child when she's standing right in front of you.

2. Every single different pain or movement by the baby makes you think you might be in labor.  This kid loves to move, and with it's head down where it's supposed to be, sometime those movements reverberate through my hip bones and around my back- not labor, but don't I wish it was.

3. Sleeping is a thing of the past.  Yes, this happens around week 37 or so for every pregnant woman, but typically you're only dealing with this for about 2-3 weeks.  Now that I'm past 40 weeks, it's been almost a month of not sleeping.  Of course, once the baby comes I might be wishing I had the sleep I used to....

4. Everyone keeps asking.  I'm so so so so so so so so tired of people asking if I'm still pregnant.  Making commentary.  Saying things.  Just leave it alone. Don't you think I'm already tired enough?

5. Everyday feels like it's the one, and then when it isn't it's so disappointing.  It's sort of crushing that you might imagine that something is finally happening, and then it's not.  Each day you wake with a 'is it today' feeling, but then it's not...

6. At least the baby is doing well.  At the end of the day that's the most important thing.

Here's a sneak peak of the photo shoot we did with our AMAZING photographer Laura Layera.  She's absolutely amazing (she's typically a wedding photographer, but she's done three sessions for us so far, and I know we'll be doing a 6-month session with B2.  I stole the photos from our viewing session, so they aren't the best quality, but I couldn't help but share.

All of these photos are copyright by Laura, but I did want to share their beauty- it makes it better to be 40 weeks pregnant when you realize that it's okay, and you look fine, and then you remember that the baby will come, in it's own time.

Surviving a 'Non-Stress Test'

It seems that they are ironically titled 'non-stress' tests, since they can actually cause a lot of stress for a pregnant woman.  However, in medical terminology, it's called a 'non-stress' test because they want you to be at rest, and are monitoring the baby when it isn't stressed, unlike during contractions when it will be 'stressed.'

If you've gotten to the point of NST's in your pregnancy you are likely either past term, or having some sort of complications that they'd like to monitor more frequently. 

What happens during an NST?
They will check the fluid around the baby to make sure that it has enough aminotic fluid with an ultrasound.  Likely they will measure at least 4-5 different spots around the babies body.  They will take your blood pressure to check for pre-eclampsia.  Then they will hook you up to two different monitoring belts, one for the babies heart rate, the other to monitor babies movements, or for any contractions.

Why do they do NSTs?
An NST is scheduled to get a more invasive look at the baby than what would happen at your usual doctors appointment. Since the test is longer, they can check how often the baby is moving (they typcially want it to average ten times in 2 hours) and how your body is doing after your due date has passed.

How often are they scheduled?
This can really vary by hospitals, but typically the results of an NST are 'valid' for between 3-5 days.  It is my opinion that every 4 days is often enough, especially if you don't experience any other kinds of changes or negative symptoms related to your impending delivery.

So, now that we know what an NST is, what can you do to be better prepared for it?


1. Bring the following: Water, a book, and a blanket.  At this stage in the pregnancy game you likely have your water bottle with you all the time, but I think it's especially critical to have it during these 'tests.'  It can ease your nerves to take a sip, so make sure you have it with you.  As the test can run anywhere from 30minutes to an hour, a book is a nice thing to have. You may just decide to rest and sleep a bit, but I think a book is a good option as well.  The most critical thing, however, is the blanket.  These rooms are cold- partly to help make the baby move, and partly because it's a hospital space like all the others.  A blanket can totally mean the difference between an enjoyable experience, and misery shivering.

2.  Eat something the baby likes before you get there.  They want to know that the baby is moving, and while they have things that they can do at the hospital to encourage movement (eating ice, noises next to the baby, etc.) it's easiest on you if the baby is cooperating.  Maybe have that nice chocolate snack that makes the baby kick, or schedule your appointment when the baby is active. 

3. Remember that it's just about data.  This isn't a definitive test- and it's non-invasive, meaning that it's just recording something happening.  The nurse has certain data that she is trying to collect, and all you need to do is relax to provide it. 

4. Shower before you go.  This seems odd, but it can be possible that they may decide not to let you leave the hospital.  The most likely reason for that would be low amniotic fluid, which can be serious.  However, regardless, showering before you go will ensure that you get to shower, just in case you end up staying.  This sort of goes hand-in-hand with bringing your hospital bag, which I don't advise.  Personally, I think you leave the bag at home.  If they make you stay you'll need to call in the troops anyways, and I also think that it's nicer to come home, get your stuff, then go back the hospital if possible.  If they discover something in the NST that means you need to stay, it's most likely not so serious that a quick trip home to pick-up supplies is out of the question. 

5. Wear something easy to move in.  You will be lying in a bed, and will have to have your belly exposed (hence the blanket).  I recommend that you wear something easy, like a tank-top, and wear a zip-up too, since you can have that covering your arms after your blood pressure reading. 

These are my tips and tricks for NST's.  Here I am, just before mine got started.  My next one is scheduled for Thursday.  Anyone out there also having NSTs?

B’sha’ah tovah

Updated and modified from Derekb cc

Yes, I'm still pregnant.  And as any woman who is waiting for the natural delivery of her child knows, these last few weeks when you are near your due date can be amongst the most stressful.  Not only are you trying to ensure that you are really ready for said child to arrive, but you are also constantly facing a barrage of well intentioned but stressful inquiries about whether the baby has arrived.

So, I say we all take back the Jewish tradition of B’sha’ah tovah.  At a good hour.  May the baby come at the time that is right- for G-d, for you, for the world.  Not because you've called me for the 6th time.  Not because 9 months ago some ultrasound technician claimed it would be today.

Because it's the right hour...

As I wrote in my post yesterday, being at the end of pregnancy is a scary place to be anywhere, with each twinge of the baby a possible sign of something.  The constant pressure we get from friends and family about what's happening often adds to the stress.

But where does B’sha’ah tovah. come from?  It's not in the torah proper, but rather found in the misdrash commentary on the book of Ecclesiastes.  It's taken from the verses in Ecclesiastes (which you probably all know), as a commentary on the fact that only G-d knows the right hour: 

"A time to be born, a time to die" as it says, and as many a famous song has been written.  

And honestly, I'm pleased with the idea.  As I've discussed with EG's birth, it was stressful and scary and I'm not sure that I'm really ready for this baby to come.  I have a deep seated fear that maybe this time we won't catch how much blood I've lost by 9am.  Maybe this time, despite being in America with good healthcare at the hospital, they might miss something.  Giving birth isn't a walk in the park- it's serious business.

At the same time, I try to remind myself that my body was made for this.  That G-d made the world, and in his wisdom and creation of it he gave women a position that men don't have: the creation of human life.  That for the last nine months I've been blessed to have been creating eyes, and lungs and ears and a teeny tiny nose.  And that when the baby is ready, and G-d is ready that this living being will enter the world.

Ecclesiastes is actually a great portion to read before going into labor.  A bit of an oddity with both signs of great wisdom and interesting contradictions, there are many pearls of wisdom.

So today, I also say to sisters B and K these G-dly words of wisdom:

Ecclesiastes Chapter 2:1-2:2

Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the heaven.
A time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot that which is planted. 

Chapter 2:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time; also the world He put into their hearts, save that man should not find the deed which G-d did, from beginning to end.

**I realize that these verses are often referred to as Ecclesiastes 3:1 in the New International version.  I've taken these notations from a Jewish source, rather than the King James sources**

										Special thanks to this Grandma- for knowing the time will come...

All the bags are packed....

Of course, that doesn't mean anything to the baby!

I've gotten to the point where I'm packing my bag for the impending delivery.  Yes, this probably should have been done at least a week or so ago, but that's the way the cookie crumbles around here.

This time I have more than just myself to think about- EG will have to have a bag packed as well, since who knows when/how labor will start.

We've lined up my cousins around the corner to watch her initially, then depending upon circumstances she might stay with them and go to school, or get picked up by some of the grandparents.  Over and over I hear about how important it is to keep her routine, so I'm hoping that she gets to go to school with all her friends while we're in the hospital.

Here's what I'm packing for EG:

Diapers- obviously she'll need enough to get through a few days, and my cousin's don't normally stock those.  So, I'm thinking about 20 to start with.  They have keys to our house in case they need more, and daycare has them stashed there too.

Outfits- she'll need enough to get through 3-4 days, including PJs.  If she stays at my cousins they may bring her back here to sleep, or they may just keep her at their house in the Pack N Play.  I think 5 outfits, a jacket and 5 PJ's should be enough...

Blanket- she LOVES her blanket. I've already told you that she's my little Linus. There are two blankets that are at home, at school, her everything.  However, she's adaptable, and any blanket still does okay.  so I'll pack one of her smaller blankets to ensure we have one on hand, then hope we remember to send one when she leaves.

Bottle/sippy- she's still drinking from what she calls a Baba in the morning and the night time.  It's actually a straw sippy, and she can drink from any cup with a straw, but when your parents are missing I think the extra of a sippy is good.

Bib- she's still a 'fun' eater, as you can see from her birthday cupcake session.  While not entirely necessary, she feels better when she has a bib too.

We have three bags all packed and ready for the hospital.  I haven't quite decided whether I should pre-delivery EG's stuff to my cousins, or just wait until the right moment.  I'm leaning towards predelivery- what do you think?

I packed my own bag, and so did Working Dad- so it seems like we're all ready to go.  I worry about what he packed (he didn't have enough food or clothes last time) but I'm trying to let him do his own thing....

We finally bought a new outfit to bring B2 home from the hospital in, so I'll need to wash that and make sure it gets into the bag.  Plus some of those baby socks.  I haven't given much thought to anything B2 needs...

What did you pack for the hospital?  Anything stick out that I should make sure I have?