Purim is coming: DIY Costume!

I realize that Purim is only a little over 10 days away.  Under two weeks.  The title of my post must seem a bit impossible to you.  Purim is so so so close and you think I still have time to MAKE a costume.  Yes, yes I do.

Perhaps you go to a more conservative or orthodox synangogue.  Perhaps your daughter goes to a Jewish preschool that prefers their Purim to be purimy...not halloweeney.  Maybe you want your daughter to be Queen Esther, not dressed like Queen Elsa.  If that's true, then here is the answer for you- the Peasant Dress.  Easy to make, minimal or no sewing required.  In fact I have personally made two of these dresses inside of one evening after the kiddos went to bed.  I believe that you can to!

The first thing we need to know is what's a peasant dress.  It's a super simple dress not that far from the pillowcase dress. It has a gathered neckline and gathered sleeves, meaning that you make it out of basically a square and then use some elastic to make the neckline fit.

Here are some images of the ones I made for my kiddos.  The bright yellow tie and purple tie on the front is literally a shoelace from her lacing card kit.  In these cases I made these out of super simple fabric that was around, literally out of sheets.  Then I had them put over little vests that I made two.

Here are a few excellent tutorials on how to make them.  Since such great tutorials exist, I don't really think I need to write out another one.

Tutorial Number 1: Scattered Thoughts of a Crafty Mom
Tutorial Number 2: Once Upon a Sewing Machine
Tutorial Number 3: Sew like my Mom

For all of these tutorials you can easily use Iron seam tape.  Just make sure you buy the really good stuff that's totally permanent and spend a long time with the iron.  I also suggest that you take a blouse or a non-cotton shirt that is large on your child and use that as a base.  It can sometimes be much simpler than printing out the pattern.  You aren't making a dress forever, it's just for a day of fun.  If you want to make a super simple bodice, just use that hem tape to add a fancy ribbon.  You could even just tie it around the waist.   Here's a quick tutorial for a vest:

Tutorial Number 1- 8: All Free Sewing
Tutorial Number 9: One Moms Daily Drama

If you aren't up for making the vest just pair the Peasant dress with a skirt and an apron.  YOU CAN DO IT MAMA!


Top Photo: Stitched By Sara

Tu B'Shevat Celebration: Ideas for the Trees

Happy Tu B'Shevat!  I hope that everyone is having a lovely day celebrating the birthday of the trees.  I t hoght that this year I would go a little out side the 'norm' and not talk about the traditional seder or the eating of extra fruits this year, but rather help our little ones to feel a bit more connected to the trees, mother earth, and their power to impact our world.   Here are a few ideas for birthday presents for the trees:

1. CLEAN UP:  This can be as easy as taking a stroll through your own neighborhood and picking up trash, or as complicated as hiking through the forest.  No one wants to live somewhere dirty, and that includes the trees!  Help our children think of giving the trees the birthday present of a clean piece of dirt (oxymoron anyone).

2. USE LESS WATER:  Of course here in sunny SoCal we've been talking about this for months, but on the birthday of the trees it can be an important point of discussion to understand how a tree grows.  Of course at the end of the day we know the answer is through G-d, but the discussion can still explain how we plant the seed in the ground, give it soil and water and sun, and how it grows to give us shade and food.  Water is one of the most important things a tree needs to survive.  If we use less of it in our homes on ourselves, there is more for the trees!

3. USE LESS PAPER:  This is an especially important concept to introduce as children are young because the habits they form now as they are potty training and learning social manners become habits that are hard to break.  It's hard for a young child to understand that paper towels and toilet paper, not to mention coloring paper, etc. all come from trees.  So begin this discussion around Tu B'Shevat that each piece of paper is part of a tree.  If we use less, then the trees get that many more birthdays to celebrate!  Remind your child when that piece of paper isn't good enough for coloring, that it came from a tree.  And remember yourself as you craft away- crafting is great if it teaches something and engages your child, but sometimes it might be better to leave the paper goods alone....

4. RECYCLE YOUR WATER:  This might seem strange, but there are so many times when we are using water inefficiently.  When you are waiting for the shower to warm-up or the bath.  When you are doing dishes.  All of these times are places where we can recycle our water.  The easiest is when you wait for the bath or shower, since we haven't even used this water yet.  Take it outside, let the kids water the plants with it.


If we present the ideas to our children that the trees deserve birthday gifts too, it's an easy and fun way for our children to impact the world beyond themselves.

Hope you have a fun and exciting Tu B'Shevat!

Photos Creative Commons License via Flickr 1. gfpeck  2. by karolajnat

My how the time flies

Wow- I can't believe it's already December 31st.  That 2015 has been coming to an end.  And it's been moving so quickly.

2015 has been a complicated year for us.  Though Ocho was born in 2014 and my mom also died in 2014 it seems like 2015 has really been the year of change.

• We've moved out of our first home, and still not into our new one.

The home that made us a family.  The place we brought home our two baby girls and enjoyed all the things that being a family had to offer.  Where I discovered my love (and modicum of talent) for designing and decorating, and EG learned to walk, run and jump.  Where Ocho had her first night of sleep, and the last place my Mother saw my whole family together...

• We both changed jobs, me twice and Working Dad once.

I left my job at UCLA formally in April, and became a Searching-For-Work mom.  Then I decided to become a freelancer, taking contract positions as they've come to me.  Working Dad left the job he got after his brief spell of unemployment.  He's started at the new company and is loving it.

• We've dealt with huge family upsets and changes, from my Dad and cousins, to his brother.  Both positive and negative... (here's one of the great moments!)

• EG went from being a toddler to being a full fledged preschooler.  My adorable little girl, growing up so quickly.

• And Susanna from a baby to a toddler... What a wonderful child she is becoming.

• We moved our entire family into two different temporary homes. 

We moved in initially with my Dad, but then found space with Working Dad's Grandfather.  It's been wonderful to live with him, and we're blessed that we've been so so so welcome here.  Nothing beats sharing a Popsicle with your Great-Grandfather.  He even does babysitting duty!

• We moved our lovely cat into two different temporary homes.  (on another note, anyone looking for a lovely, sweet cat?)
• We took our first whole family vacation- internationally to Mexico with Club Med. 
• We had my Sister-in-Law for dinner for the first time.  See above about moving the cat out of the house, hence her able to visit!
• We lost my cousin, one of the most amazing people I know, Brett Tashman.

He fought for 5 years to be better, and fought hard.  We spent many days at the hospital with him before he passed, and confirmed the love we've had for these forever friends.  His death was a resounding blow to our whole world.

2015 was a complicated and wonderful year.  I'm glad it's over, and am hopeful for the future.  Despite my mother's passing being in 2014, it seemed like so much of 2015 was living the first of many things without her.  I know that much of 2016 will feel like the world without Brett, but I'm hopeful that maybe the pain of their loss will be able to slowly dissipate.

Becoming a family of four has included a lot of growing pains, and I'm especially glad that those are finished.  We've melded and blended together in 2015.  We've created the Millers, family of four.  We've accomplished a lot, and had a LOT of challenges.  But we've faced them all. 

Here's to 2016.... ready or not, here it comes.

Learning a True Apology for Yom Kippur

One of my goals for EG right now is to start understanding the thoughts and processes behind an apology.  It's been an interesting road to travel down, not just within our family, but within the preschool system, the mommy wars, and the Jewish culture.

It all started a long time ago when I read "It's okay not to share, Renegade Rules for Parenting" and learned a little more about saying "I'm Sorry."  If I'm honest I hadn't given it much thought, but I had vivid memories of fights between my parents about those words.  In my mothers world, the fact that I issued the words I'm sorry meant that all was well and good.  In my fathers, those words meant nothing, and did nothing to change what ill I'd done.  With that in mind, I agreed with Heather Shumaker and decided not to force EG to say she was sorry until it meant something and she could understand what the thoughts were behind the words.

Fast forward to EG being in school for a while and she comes home and issues 'sorry's' left and right.  Just a quick little blip on the map, then moving on with her activity and day.  And that's when I really began to feel like Ms.Shumaker was right.  I don't want empty words to placate me.  However, EG had been learning this at school and it's hard to start to undo what was already done there.

So I redoubled my efforts to get EG to offer something other than empty words.  Ice or a hug when she hurt someone, help and a hand when she knocked something over.  But that didn't go over very well on the local playground.  I remember a vivid confrontation with one mother over my daughters lack of an apology.  Mind you, EG helped the boy up, offered him a turn on the swing, and otherwise was a perfect lady when it came to sorting out the problem.  But this mom only answered back with "Aren't you going to say you're sorry?"

Of course, I now realize the problem with that exchange wasn't just about saying it.  It's with a fundamental misunderstanding in our culture today between the words "I'm Sorry" and "I apologize."  These two things are fundamentally different, and this Yom Kippur I'm trying to set the record straight.

The definition of Sorry:

sor·ry

adjective

adjective: sorry; comparative adjective: sorrier; superlative adjective: sorriest

1.

feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else's misfortune.

 

The definition of Apology:

a·pol·o·gy

noun

noun: apology; plural noun: apologies

1.

a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.

Notice the big difference?  Sorry doesn't acknowledge any wrong doing on the part of the person involved.  It makes no one take responsibility for their actions and acknowledge a failure.  This could be a failure of communication, an accident, or an intentional infraction, but no matter what you caused it, and you should own up to it.

I've vowed this Yom Kippur to go beyond the surface and really get to the root of apologizing.  To teach my children that there is no shame, fear or embarrasment about acknowledging you did something wrong.  And as our children grow up one of the best things they can do as an adult is to accept their own failures, learn from them and move on. The new buzz word of the world is grit, and you can't have grit if you can't own up to your own mistakes.

So we'll be teaching EG a new way to apologize.  Starting with word choice. From now on I say the words 'I apologize' when I mean it, and 'I'm sorry' when it's appropriate. I'm helping EG to correct her word choice to.  And I'm offering up this model for her apologies:

1. I apologize for...

2. It was wrong because....

3. In the future I will...

4. Will you forgive me?

 

Of course, just because you apologize doesn't mean you get forgiveness.  It can sometimes take more than just a heartfelt apology to rid your heart of the anger or hurt you feel.  And EG has to learn that too.  It's all about the argument between my parents.  My mom was right that when someone truly apologizes that we should accept their apology.  My dad was right that just because you say some words it doesn't mean that my plate isn't broken anymore... Jewish talmud teaches us that you have to apologize three times to someone, to truly mean it before you can consider yourself having apologized properly and moving on without forgiveness.

If we truly see Yom Kippur as an opportunity for apologies and forgiveness then we can all take a step in the right direction this year.  I'm tired of the blanket 'if i did anything wrong, i'm sorry' approach, and I want to teach EG that she's better than that. I also believe that the heart of Yom Kippur honestly isn't about making apoligies, but rather learning to forgive.

 

I'm hoping that given time she will learn how to take responsibilities for her own actions, own up to the hurt she can cause others with her words and deeds, and then truly take the time to reflect and apologize.  We all know how untempered resentment can build up inside when you feel hurt or taken advantage of.  Hopefully when EG understands the steps to make amends she can make good friendships, be successful in school and work, and have lasting caring relationships.  But that may be too much to put onto one little apology....?

 

 

GeltFiend: Because it's really not to early for Chanukah...

I realize that I haven't even talked about where to go for rosh hashana, but when I got my email from geltfiend, I couldn't help but share.

For those of you out of the loop, geltfiend is a great online store that specializes in chanukah wear, specifically kitsch and sweaters.  I talked about then last year when I got the awesome sweaters for EG and me.

This year they've come out with their line even earlier, so you can have your sweater ready the moment the season hits.  My favorite piece...

Candledrip Sweater.

Isn't it awesome!  The colors, the style.  I'm totally in love.  Anyone want to buy me my first chanukah gift?

They also have everything left over from the first two years still available.  The kiddo items are so cute, and I can testify to the quality myself.

Check out the rest of the line, and their new video here.

A Shabbat Home : Home for Shabbat

As we've been packing, moving, having the new owners come in to take measurements, inspections, etc. it's seemed like our home has become less and less ours, and more and more just a place to stay.

As I walk through my beautiful living room and into my kitchen I don't feel the warmth of my household- I see the debris of a life half boxed away.  Despite the warm onion soup on the stove, despite the clean bibs hanging from the handles, despite the cup of milk drunk by my daughter on her way out the door this morning.

It's in this home, or not home, if you will, that I'm struggling to make a Shabbat worth having.  We don't have to many Friday's to spend here in this home, and despite it's lack of homeyness, I'm going to try.  So I give to you my tried and true tips for making a home ready for Shabbat.

1. Tidy Tidy Tidy.  The best thing about Shabbat is that cleaning is off the table, and if you are anything like me it's barely on the table on a given Tuesday, let alone among the craziness and hecticness of a move.  But tidying is much easier.  Clean off those surfaces, put away all the laundry, and ensure that all the shoes go back where they need to.  Put toys in the kiddos' bedrooms, and then it will feel clean, even if the spilled onion soup is still on the floor.

2. 7 minute Rooms.  I realize this is sort of funny, but I have a 7 minute bedroom policy.  I walk through the house with my small supply of cleaning (broom, dustpan, windex, general household spray, sponge, and paper towels) and set my timer for 7 minutes.  This also includes any tidying for these rooms as well.  That way I know I've spent some time in each room making it a little bit nicer.  I make the beds, I put take away things that don't belong, and believe me even though it doesn't seem like a lot of time if you really invest in it, it's totally enough.

3. The Shabbat Table.  I have some linens and napkins, etc. that we only take out for Shabbat.  When everything else feels crazy if the table is set and looks nice then at least the place where you spend the most of your time will feel like a wonderful respite from the week.  Regardless of the rest of the house, a nice Shabbat table can set you worlds apart for the evening.

4. Plan some conversation.  One of the nice things about Shabbat is that it's away from the drudgery of the everyday.  We are so so very stressed in our lives, all of us are.  In our family right now the move, the logistics, the new house, all of it are eating away at the fabric of our family.  So I like to plan a few conversation starters that might lead us away from the drudgery and into the light.  I always start with reading the torah portion for the week.  Sometimes I click over to cnn.com to read a few headlines.  It's nice to get away from the usual work/chores/daily life conversations.

5. Just enjoy!  The best thing we can do on Shabbat is to give ourselves a little rest, peace and be a bit nicer.  To ourselves, our husbands, our children, our kitties...  Sometimes we put to much pressure on ourselves, and we have to remember that Shabbat is a gift.  A gift of time to spend relaxing, enjoying, pausing to reflect on our wonderful life.  Even if there are shoes and toys everywhere.  Even if you're serving shrimp.  Even if the table is covered with sticky fingerprints made of strawberry jelly.

Shabbat Shalom!

Shavuot- Crafts for Kiddos

Wow- it's already time for Shavuot!  This year it coincides with Memorial Day weekend, which can make it an even more exciting holiday for all of us.

The holiday of Shavuot is celebrating that giving of the Torah to on Mt. Sinai.  The official moment when the ten commandments were given to the Jews of the world.  There is a precept that all Jewish souls that were ever going to be on earth were present when the 10 commandments were given.

In temples and congregations around the United States people everywhere are perfecting their cheesecake and blintz recipes.  It's the moment for the ice cream party of all ice cream parties, and while that's awesome, it's not exactly what I want my children to focus on when it comes time for Shavuot.

So, to celebrate the more religious aspect of the holiday, I present to you this 10 commandment craft for the kiddos:

Step 1:  Get one piece of white card stock for each child that will be doing a project.  I chose 12x12, but 8.5x11 is totally fine.  12x12 is scrap booking paper and I have a ton of it hanging around the house.

Step 2: Allow each child to choose one paint color- brush on hand to cover all the palm print.  Apply hand to paper.  Repeat with the second hand.

 Step 3:  Read off childs version of the 10 commandments, and assign each finger to a commandment.  In this case I also let EG choose which color pen I should use for each finger.  She really enjoyed that part.

The commandments for kiddos are very close to what they are in the Torah, except a bit simpler to explain and understand.

1. There is only one G-d
2. We should not make pretend G-ds
3. G-ds name is special
4. Remember Shabbat is a day to rest and say thank you.
5. Listen to your parents and take care of them
6. Do not hurt people
7. Love and look after everyone in your family
8. Do not take things that belong to other people
9. Do not say things that aren't true
10. Be happy with what you have.

I really like this version, because its simple and it re-enforces things that we want EG to do anyways.

I will be framing this and putting it up on EG's wall, a constant reminder of the top 10 commandments from G-d.

Do you have any shavuot crafts you'll be doing?

Using Passover to talk about G-d

A few weeks ago I had an interesting conversation with my Sister-in-Law.  Let me start by saying that I love her dearly.  We are very close, and I'm fortunate to have her and her family in my life.  Buy my SIL is a devout Christian.  Her children quote bible passages, and all of her children have been baptized.  These are wonderful things for their family.  And sometimes it can lead the two of us, religiously devout individuals of different faiths, to have interesting conversations.

Most recently it was about how Jews view G-d.  The reason it was so interesting, there isn't much talk of G-d in most Jewish homes.

When I was a young child I remember thinking that G-d only loved Christians.  So much of the general christian message is that G-d loves you.  They have bumper stickers and entire rock bands dedicated to making sure they you know that if you accept Jesus- G-d loves you.  Obviously I'm simplifying the message and the meaning, but for a young girl and teenager, just thinking that G-d loves you is a powerful message, and one that's often missing from Judaism.

When we think about how we teach Judaism to our children there are many pieces.  There are the holidays, there are the prayers and there is the language.  But no where in there is a specific discussion about G-d.  

Judaism is generally an action oriented religion.  We spend little to no time talking about what happens after we die, and are devoted entirely to living our life the best we can, with purpose, dignity and mitzvot on this earth and in this way.  Contrast this to the Christian notion of working towards and eternity with G-d, and you can see that there might be a problem with G-dly talk among Jews.

I challenge parents of all children to use Passover as a chance to talk about G-d. 

Use this holiday to teach your children to talk to G-d.  To know that G-d is there, in your everyday.  That, as Rodney Atkins sings, they can talk to G-d like they were talking to a friend.

Passover is the time of year when we talk about miracles.  When we must, with liberal use, talk about amazing things that happened that we can't explain.  There are no Esthers' or Kingly decrees.  There's no Maccabees to blame for our salvation.  There are seas splitting miraculously, and blood, frogs and locusts.  Even if you are a bit squeamish about discussing the deaths for the animals or the deaths of the firstborns, don't shy away from embracing G-d.

Use the phrase G-d did this for me.  Yup.  It's a classic Passover text, but did you really stop to think about what it means?  Yes, it has a sea of meaning in terms of how we have come from slavery in this generation.  But think beyond that.  When you embrace that G-d has an action and an existence in your life- there he will be for your children as well.

I and not an angel, I and not a Seraph.  Again, classic language.  'I' meaning G-d speaking in the first person.  Emphasis again and again that G-d did this.  It's typical for us to talk about how Moses talked to Pharoah and told him to let my people go.  And you could watch the entire movie about Passover and think of the hero Moses.  Don't let the fact that G-d did miracles escape the moment.

Dayeinu.  This song tells the story of how it would have been enough to escape slavery, go through the dessert, get to the promised land, etc.  All of these things are miracles.  This song is an amazing way to discuss how G-d impacts our everyday.  How he's given us Shabbat to relax and reconnect, how everything around us is holy.

At the end of the day, it has to be a conversation between your child and you.  The best way for our children to understand that G-d loves them, and that G-d is present in their lives is for them to hear it from you- their parents.  To point out to our children the wonder of G-d's universe.  The glory of his creations.

The next time your child asks why it's raining- tell them because G-d made it so.  Each time you bring him into your life it makes it easier for your child to turn to him in times of need.

Because he is there for you.  Because he loves you.

Passover Fun at Manhattan Village Mall

Wow- a whole new spin on fun in the mall.  I'm so excited to announce that this year the Manhattan Village Mall will be hosting a Passover gathering, rather than just it's usual Easter Bunny Tea party.

So come on down on Sunday, March 29th to join in the fun.

This might seem a bit stupid, but I'm beyond thrilled that they will be doing this project this year.  While the December dilema is published everywhere, and we do a lot to try to take care of it.  The mall has a chanukah night, and there are menorah lightings at most of the major city halls.  But come Passover and Easter, it's a different story.

Rows and rows of candy greet your children in the grocery store.  Then each and every store has out adorable white and pastel colored dresses with big Happy Easter labels.  Even good old Parents Magazine- which promises 'Spring Fun' really means Easter...

Now, to be fair, they do have a single Passover recipe in the back, but far be it from them to include that on the cover....

So, here's to you Manhattan Village Mall- thanks for making space and time for everyone this holiday season.

Passover Cooking Class

RSVP for The Seder Made Simple A Pre-Passover Workshop and Cooking Class

******************************************************************     Join the Rebbetzins of the Beach Cities JCC for an enriching and entertaining evening of quick yet delicious Kosher-for Passover recipes. This workshop will give you all the skills and recipes you need to know to help bring the Passover story to life. Make this year's Seder an unforgettable experience.

Date: Tonight March 24, 2015 Time: 7:30-9:30 p.m. Location: The Jewish Community Center 2108 Vail Ave. Redondo Beach  Fee: $20   Click here for more information or to register  Looking forward to seeing you!

A Passover Easter Basket

If you are anything like my family, you have some family that celebrates Easter.  And it can be a bit of a difficult holiday, since everything Easter is sort of anti-Passover.  The story of Easter is completely unconnected to Passover.  The traditional foods of Easter (candy, Ham, morning brunch) are difficult when observing Passover restrictions.

This year, however, thanks to the rise in gluten free and natural candies, we have a whole new world open to present a Passover appropriate Easter Basket:

Item #1:

Yup, this is an adorable book about bunnies celebrating Passover.  Why didn't we think of this before.  Want to give a little stuffed bunny or a chocolate one- even a few bunny eggs.  All totally approprate when they accompany this book about bunnies.  Thank you Linda Glaser!

Item #2:

By WhitA

Yup, traditional real 'Easter' eggs are totally Kosher for Passover and all year round.  No issues with Chametz, no issues with food coloring.  Have at it and make them part of the basket.  An egg is a traditional part of a Passover Seder plate, so all the more reason to have the eggs included.

Item #3:

Candy items.  You can't really give an Easter basket without candy in it.  But here's the good thing.  You don't have to try to hard to find good candy for Passover kiddos.  No, it won't likely be OU Passover certified, but I don't believe it has to be.  I don't believe that I have to have someone else certify my chocolate- I believe what's written.  So with that in mind, here are some options:

Yup- Dove Dark has no Corn-Syrup, and neither do any Surf Sweets or YumEarth Naturals.  Both of these are usually found at Sprouts and Whole foods.  So, if Jelly beans are your thing, don't be too put out.  Trader Joes has a huge selection of pops and other candies that are Corn free as well!

It can be hard to share this holiday with everyone, but then again, it can also be rewarding.  To see the smile on a little girlie when she gets to eat the sweets inside....

Mitzvot of Passover

My family tradition is to always spend the first night of Passover with my extended family, and typically the second night of Passover with extended friends.  This year, with Passover over Shabbat I imagine that many people will be inclined to host a Seder this year.  Having all day Saturday to prep, and all day Sunday to clean it up.  It's a lot harder to make it happen when it's on a Tuesday..

While Passover has always been my thing, I've always been surprised about the misinformation out there.  We have only a few Torah driven commandments for Passover:

1. Celebrate Passover (Exodus 23:14)
2. Remove Chametz (Exodus 12:15, etc.)
3. Rest on the first day of Passover (Exodus 12:16)
4. Tell the Exodus Story (Exodus 13:8)
5. Eat Matzah (Exodus 12:18)

All the rest of them are rabbinical observances and mitzvot- leaning over, drinking four cups of wine, eating the bitter herb, finding the afikomen, etc.

This is why, if you have children in your life, I suggest that you take a note from the commandments of Torah, and KISS- keep it simple stupid.

There's no commandment to actually have a Seder.  The pieces of the Seder are Talmudic ideas that help us ensure that we tell all of the story, and that we discuss the relevant pieces.  What does this mean for you?  That you can and should tell the story, but if in doing so you are all lost in the exercise of having a Seder, and not telling the story, then you've lost the point.

Since we always meet with my extended family for Passover, it's traditional for my family to do a stricter version of the Seder.  We all have the same Haggadahs, etc.  But now that there are children in the mix, I really don't want my kids to think that all the Passover Seder is is an obligation.

Yes, a commandment is an obligation.

No, we don't have to see it as just that.

Telling the Passover story is an opportunity. To reclaim part of our heritage. To share time with family and friends.  To invest in understanding our Judaism a little bit more, in a slightly different way.

So this year, I say you let it go...gently.  Let everyone sit around the couch and the cocktail table.  Worry less about passing a piece of parsley covered in salt water, and more about whether you are connecting with the story.

Eat your Matzah

Avital Pinnick

Remove the Chametz

Goldberg

Tell the story.

Teaching Jewish stories to our children

Recently EG came home from school telling me all about the bad guys.  While I've discussed some of the things about the Purim Story before, I never really thought about how the school might explain Haman to my children.  It seems obvious- Haman is the bad guy.  And he is likely described as so by everyone running around as Batman, Superman or some other Hero.

Is there something wrong with having a bad guy?  No, nothing wrong at all.  We all have bad guys (bosses, friends, finances, etc.) in our lives.  And we all need to learn to deal with bad guys.  But what worries me....

"Mommy, why doesn't Haman like the Jewish people?"

"The Pharaoh- he doesn't like the Jewish people.  Why don't people like the Jewish people?"

That's right.  My almost 3-year old is already worrying about antisemitism.  And I can't help but wonder if it's a fundamental problem we have with not just most Jewish stories, but with my own view of my Jewish heritage.

I'm sure you've heard this one...

You are trying to explain a Jewish holiday to a gentile friend.  How do you sum it up?  They came, they tried to kill us, they didn't succeed, let's eat.

I've always thought that this was a reasonable approximation of most holidays.  There's an entire facebook group dedicated to this summary.  You start typing it into Google, and it finishes the sentence for you.  Let's not even mention the numerous versions of a YouTube video song...Passover, Purim, Chanukah, the list probably goes on.  And that's before we even start to consider the Holocaust.

But what type of message is that sending to our children?  What am I trying to teach EG, and soon Ocho, when I describe our holidays this way.  Who is they?  Why did they try to kill us?  Why should we eat...?  Okay, they probably won't ask that last one, but I can't help but think I'm spreading the wrong message.  How is it that we as a people have come to understand our heritage as a story of victimization?

I want my children to recognize the miracle of Judaism.  I want the story line to be 'they came, they tried to hurt us, G-d saved us, let's eat." I want the story line to focus more on the amazing things that G-d did for us.  That we have him in our corner.  That we are each connected to an awesome power that we might not understand, but clearly cares for us deeply.  That we have a G-dly soul and a G-dly spark.

I want to change the perspective of my own self- so I can teach EG, Ocho and anyone else that there is so much beauty in a Jewish life and a Jewish heritage. That we are much more than just victims, that we are part of G-ds larger plan, and a light of his strength in the world.

Maybe that's to much to try to teach a young child.  But I want to try to help her questions be 'how did G-d do that' or 'what happened next' not 'why didn't they like us'.  Pipe dream?

OMG- Passover is coming!

Okay, now that we've wrapped up Purim, it's officially time to start freaking out about Passover.  Today, we did our weekly grocery shopping trip, and dear hubby reminded me that this was not the time to be stocking up on Polenta.

So, here's the beginning of what to do now that Passover is the next Jewish Holiday on the calendar.

1.  Stop buying bread products.  As Working Dad pointed out, this is not the time to stock up on chicken noodle soup, polenta, or regular coca-cola.  In fact, it's time to start looking through the cupboards to eat all that stock-up that you can.  Not only does this mean that you won't end up with Macaroni and cheese that expired in 2010, but it means that you can start to be a bit creative and inventive with that Hametz.  Noodle casserole anyone...?

2. Find the Passover Dishes.  Tales are told about children being sent to the basement to dig out the Passover dishes, but it doesn't have to be like that. Lots of people don't have Passover dishes, but maybe it's time you thought about getting some.  Maybe these adorable frog dishes will make you take the leap.  You're not supposed to use your regular dishes because, regardless of milk or meat, you likely have hametz on them.  Take the leap :-)

3. Figure out where you will be.  Okay, maybe it's to early to menu plan, but it's not to early to decide where you want to be for the holiday.  Especially this year since it's Passover and Shabbat all at the same time. Not to mention that it's also Easter the next day.  With Passover on a Friday/Saturday night it makes it easier for some families to host the meal- given that they don't have to cook on a work night.  That also might mean that a typical tradition (grandma's house) might give way to a new generation (your house...?)

4. Start telling the story.  Yes, we go over much of the story on the night of Passover with our children, but if there is one thing we know its that children need to hear something more than once to remember it.  So, bring out all those PJ Library books you've been recieving over the years.  Dig out the items of Passover a bit before the holiday begins, so when you finally get to the seder, your children are revisiting the tale, not hearing it the first time.

Purim Costumes with a Baby

Do you have your Purim costume ready?  Or do you have a tiny little baby who no longer fits into the costume you bought for Halloween, and no time/energy/desire to go out and get a new one.

Here are a few ideas I have for you...

1. Shepard and Sheep. Got anything furry/fuzzy in white for the little one?  Some PJs or a fuzzy sweater.  Even just a white onsie.  Got a bit more time... make a sheep hat or shirt for the baby.  Just sew on some cotton balls...  

Yup- Wandering Mist made this while costume in about 3 hours.  Now, since you have a baby, it won't be so bad.  I'm serious though.  Thrown on a long dress of any kind, one of those summer frocks you have.  Then grab a white sheet or something in a contrasting color.  Add a headband to your head around the sheet= shepard.  Baby in white with a cotton ball hat- you are so done.

Also, I'm totally not judging if you run to target and buy an easter bunny outfit and cut off the ears.  Seriously...

2. Heart on your sleeve.  This one is even easier.  Did you get some adorable heart onsie or PJ for Valentines day.  Ocho got an adorable sleeper at Old Navy when I went to visit my Dad but forgot any PJ's for her.  The one below is from KMart.  Just hold her in your arms (on one side) and when people ask tell her she's your heart, on your sleeve.  Yup, a total groaner, but it totally works!

3. Mac from The Neighbors.  I know, total cop-out, but put the baby in an outward facing Bjorn, and wear a blue shirt- totally good to go.  Grab some fake glasses for the effect (and totally put some gel in your hair!) It's a legit Seth Rogan film (which I don't think anyone saw) but if you own it, it's totally yours!

Mishloach Manot- The Toddler Edition with the Mishloach Manot Wars

Yesterday we talked about the Mitzvot of Purim, but I want to delve deeper into what you can do to keep your toddler involved in the Mishloach Manot.

I was reading through my daily edition of Tablet magazine, and what should be on the forefront of my pages- the Mishloach Manot Wars.  I can't even believe that someone wrote that.

Because I don't have enough to worry about, that I need to think about outdoing someone with my basket of nice treats.  Because giving the treat isn't enough, it has to be better than yours?

Maybe I'm just not the in the right circles, but the idea of anxiety related to making these baskets and gift bags seems a bit ridiculous to me.  Then again, I think about all the time I can spent on Pinterest, looking at the cute and adorable things that other people make.

There are four mitzvot of Purim, and I think that this one is probably the least of all the four.  Hearing the megillah is certainly of more importance.  So is giving charity to the poor.  

So, when I think about doing these baskets, I think about ways that I can have my children participate.  It might be a little more difficult for Ocho, but EG, she can help in so many ways.   Now, they might not turn out like Martha Stewart.  But they will be fun for us to make, and, I hope, enjoyable for our friends and neighbors to take part in.  So here's to having the family participate, and to lessening any crazy expectations we have on ourselves.  

When I think about putting together my gifts, the first thing that I think about is allowing EG to decorate the bags for me.  Some crayon, pencils, maybe even a handprint.  Want to make them even nicer after the kiddos handiwork?  Print this lovely Shalom onto them courtesy of Chai and Home.

Next I think it's a great opportunity to help your kids count.  I usually try to put in two Hamentaschen per person in the family.  This might seem like a lot (here's looking at you sister-in-law) but no one wants to be the person who only gets one cookie.  In addition to cookies I like to put in something more healthy.   

There is a tradition to put in wine or grape juice, since wine is so important to Jewish joy. However, with most of my gifts going to those with kiddos, I prefer to send raisins.  I usually throw in a few cuties, and a few apples too, so everyone can get something.  Have them count out how many cookies, cuties and apples into each bag- learning and doing!

It's traditional, and some opinions hold part of the mitzvah, to have the packages delivered by someone else.  This is a great way for your toddler to participate.  Since they have to be delivered during the day it's a great opportunity for your child to practice front door etiquette- ringing the bell or knocking on the door, giving something away, and saying goodbye.  Also a nice opportunity to loosen the reins a bit and let them walk to the neighbors house alone (observed by you from the front door)

How do you involve the kiddos in the mitzvot?  Or are you stressing about theming your baskets appropriately?  Don't even get me started on whether it's okay for me to give away cookies my toddler helps me bake...

Mitzvot of Purim

FOr each and every holiday there are two categories of things that happen.  Those that are tradition, and those that are commandments.  When we think about Purim we usually think of hearing the book of Esther read, dressing up in costume, and going to a carnival.  However, there are four mitzvot of Purim, and none of them involve dressing up.

1. READ the megillah.  Technically speaking everyone is supposed to read the megillah.  Both men and women are obligated.  Typically we 'read' the megillah by hearing it read by someone else.  This works, so long as the person reading it to you is obligated to fulfill the commandment themselves.  In our house, technically speaking, Mommy needs to read the story, not Daddy.  You also need to hear every word.  It's not a long story, but no pee breaks are allowed.  This also means that though the event is typically filled with cheers and jeers, you still need to hear...

2. The Festive Meal.  This is typically where the carnvial comes from.  We are commanded to have a festive meal, a Seudat Purim.   We are supposed to be joyous, wear festive clothing and have a celebration.  Many people also say the costumes represent the fact that Esther hid her true self (her Jewish identity) from the King.

3. Sending Food to Friends.  Technically this is called Mishloach Manot (and I've got LOTS of easy tips for making yours memorable tomorrow), and is supposed to be sent to friends and neighbors.  It  must consist of at least two 'portions' or things that the reciever doesn't have to prepare and can eat immediately, so no adorable jars full of DIY brownie mix.  It must be food or drink, no clothing or books allowed.  This is where Hamentaschen come into play.

4. Giving to the Poor.  This is something we should do all the time, but there is a specific obligation to give on Purim.  It says that we should extend ourselves a bit, give at least two gifts to at least two people (aka one to each).  We don't really talk about this one all that much, and I certainly can't remember it being a part of my childhood Purim experiences.  I can't quite figure out how to help EG do this one.  She does like to give to charity- so I let her donate any of the money she finds on the ground.  She collects it, and into the Tzedakah box it goes.

Will you be partaking of the Mitzvot of Purim?  Did you know that Purim had these different mitzvot?

Purim Parties of the South Bay

Lots of Purim Parties coming up next week and weekend.  Here's what I have for you to consider:

Temple Menorah- Dr. Seuss Party
Wednesday March 4, 2015
6:30pm Megillah reading
$20/family for dinner

Sunday, March 8, 2015
Purim Carnival
11:30-3pm

JCC- Beach Cities- Brooklyn Party
Wednesday, March 4 2015
5pm for Dinner & Megillah reading
$20/person for dinner
$10/child kids ages 3-11 (prepay)

Congregation Ner Tamid- Back to the Future
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
6pm Dinner and movie screening
$5/person for dinner

Temple Akiba- Traditional
Sunday. March 1, 2015
Traditional Purim Carnival
Tickets needed for game booths.

Congregation Tikvat Jacob
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
6:30pm for dinner & Megillah reading
Dinner included.  Costume contest for Kids and adults

Temple Shalom of the South Bay
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Community Purim Party

An Easy Purim Craft

Sometimes I don't have time to do something crazy creative for the holidays. Especially for Purim, when it feels like I honestly have just finally put away everything from Halloween and Chanukah just yesterday. (No, seriously, I found another dreidel inside the couch!).

So here is something that almost every Mom (or Dad, or Grandparent!) can put together in about 5 minutes to engage the kiddos in the Purim Story.  It requires so little, I'm almost willing to bet you $5 that you have these items at your house- or something similar that would work really well.

Supplies:
1 piece of card stock like paper
1 straw or handle (Popsicle stick? plastic knife?)
1 pen
1 pair of scissors
Crayons or markers for coloring

To Do:

1. Draw a simple sketch of a Queen Vashti, Queen Esther, Mordechai or Haman.  EG chose Queen Esther.

1. Cut out the drawing, around the basic face.
2. Let the kiddos color to their hearts content (EG colored both sides)

1. Cut out the eyes
2. Attach the handle
3. Play!

Not into making your own drawing?  Print out this printable crown from Chai and Home- what cute little Hamentaschen!

Telling (or Not) the story of Purim

Old & New by Lindsey McCormack

I've been trying to tell EG the story of Purim now for a few days.  She's got the basics (you should hear her say Mordechai, so proud!) but it's the nuances I'm having a hard time telling.  The Purim story isn't all giggles and happiness.  In fact, it's one of those iffy stories that I'm almost to worried to tell her.  If this were a Disney movie, you can bet I wouldn't be taking her to see it.  Let's review:

The Killings:

1. The first thing that happens in the story is drunken debauchery.  The second thing is the killing of the queen.  Who did nothing except decide that she wouldn't parade around naked in front of strangers because her husband told her to.  I totally want EG to be Vashti, except that death thing.  How do you explain that death thing?
2. Murder plots to kill the King.  I'm not saying I'm a fan of King Ahasuerus, but murdering the man in power.  Not exactly a message I want EG to get in her mind.  Mutiny in the household anyone? Then a few lines later we hang these people from a tree.  Okay, they were bad guys, but it's a lot of killing.
3. We hang Haman from the gallows that are intended for the Mordechai.  Okay, that might be fine, he's the bad guy here.  But what about the looting, pillaging and death the Jews exact upon the rest of the city.  Sure, the King says he couldn't reverse his decree, so we had to fight back.  That might seem fine, except we did more than protect ourselves.  According to the story we went out deliberately to kick some butt.  We killed and killed and killed.  Then we did it again on the second day.

The Lies: 

1. Mordechai and Esther are husband and wife.  Or at least Rashi says they were. So, so so many things wrong with this message.  That you can just abandon your wife or that the vows you took on your wedding day can be annulled for a little while because it's convenient for you.
2. Esther is a Jew.  You know this, I know this, and she knows this.  Yet somehow when she decides to enter this beauty contest to marry the king (you know, as an already married woman should) and then just not mention it.  And it's not like this wasn't something that should have been brought up.  She chooses to deliberately withhold this information, like it's something we should hide about ourselves.

The Treatment of Women:

1. I've already discussed the unjust murder of Vashti, so that's square one.  But beyond that, we start out with a beauty contest to determine the next queen.  Not that beauty contests are a problem, per se.  It's the fact that this is a legitimate and believable way to choose a queen or a mate that I have issues with.  I don't want EG thinking that the most important part of her is her looks. (of course, the research says I shouldn't tell her she's smart either...)
2. The fact that Esther has to wine and dine her man to make a request also seems a bit trite to me.  Yes, you can explain it away that he's not really her man, Mordechai is.  But then we've come full circle to the problems of women in this story.

But at the end of the day, it does have at least one redeeming factor: The Heroine...Esther initially doesn't want to do anything.  She tells Mordechai that she can't go in front of the King without death.  And he tells her that he's not worried.  His faith in G-d is so great that he knows that somehow they will be saved.  She responds that she will take the plunge, but that she won't go it alone.  This is where things get interesting, and the morals behind the tale take on a surprising turn towards the good.

Esther must approach the King by herself.  Only she can speak the words to him.  Only she can attempt to sway him.  However, before she does so, she asks that everyone in the community fast for three nights and days.  They they join with her, and help her in spirit to accomplish her task.  

The moral of the day, or at least the one I'll be trying to get across to EG this year, is that just because you are scared doesn't mean you can't do it.  Just because you think you can't doesn't mean that when others join with you, that you can't.  You can stand-up. You can have help.  You can overcome.