Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Struggling, trying, moving...

I never intended for this blog to be a spot for me to just spout at random about things- it's always had a sort of rambling purpose- and yes, while it's about me, it's about having kids and raising them as a jewish family here in LA.

But then something like this happens.  I'd like to think that the people who read my blog care about me and my family enough to want to know when things like this happen in our lives.  I've shared my birth stories, my kids lives, and everything else to share with you as my readers.

So, if you're not that into it, and you're waiting for me to share about Rosh Hashana, I'm sure I'll get there.

But right now, I just can't even seem to get past the front door.  things are totally overwhelming, and I can't believe how unbelieveably sad I am.  The support from family and friends has been great- some of the notes are  moving and wonderful.  But each morning I wake up wishing that I could go back in time.  I think of my last conversations with my mom and I regret things.  I wish that I was a better daughter, and I wish that I could be a better mom right now.

It's hard to move forward.  To keep going on what needs to be done.

To figure out how to engage in a world that is so vastly different, yet dramatically the same, than it was a week ago.

Hopefully this week I'll be able to give some insights into sitting Shiva, jewish funerals, and talking about death with your children.  You may not want to read it, but at least it might give someone else some guidance someday.

I promise to work on those other posts- Rosh Hashana, Pretend City, and what Ocho is like as an almost 2month old....

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