Going to the mikvah...

Well, actually, I don't think I'll be going anytime soon, but I did want to share some recently announced news about the Rabbinical Assembly Mikvah (aka the Reform Mikvah at the AJU).  I've spoken about the mikvah before, about when I immersed before getting married.  I highly recommend it. 

When I wrote about my Mikvah experience I had mentioned the AJU mikvah, but honestly it was really hard to find information.  Even just the basics like the hours it was available, the costs associated, etc.

So when I got an e-mail giving me the website of the mikvah for all to see and use, I was thrilled.

Is the website perfect, no.  The FAQ's could certainly use some beefing up...but it's a start.  It's a place with a phone number and costs and hours. 

Enjoy South Bay women- a mikvah not to far from home.

Image from the Rabbinical Assembly mikvah website

Meeting our Doula

We've decided to hire a doula for our upcoming birth.  While we didn't have one last time, there were lots of circumstances surrounding EG's delivery that we'd like to avoid.  Namely my almost death and my epidural.

Please don't think that I'm judging anyone for getting an epidural. It was definitely the right decision for our family at the time.  Yes, I say our family.  The decision didn't just impact me, or even just me and EG.  It was a family choice and though I know I made the right one the occasional twinge of pain in my back/spine tells me it's not what I want to do again.

Holly's wonderful logo :-)

So, enter our wonderful Bradley teacher Holly.  She will be our doula for our upcoming July delivery, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have by our sides.  Our first meeting was so sweet, not only catching up since seeing each other for Bradley reunions, but chatting about what happened last time, what we want to do differently and all the emotions that come with it.

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now.  This pregnancy has been an emotional roller coaster for me.  It's just been SO HARD to keep things on the usual line... but we're getting towards the end, and I'm excited to know that we'll have this support.

So, why a Doula?  We know we intend to give birth in the hospital, so we didn't need a medical professional.  What we needed was a voice of reason, a partner to lean on, and especially, someone with a bag full of tricks to keep things moving along.

During the birth of EG it was just Working Dad and me.  Which was lovely.  But at the end of the day there was A LOT of pressure on Working Dad.  We'd both been up for almost 48 hours before EG entered the world, and it's hard to keep motivating, keep counting and keep supporting through that exhaustion.  Hopefully with Holly at our side, we'll have the extra support we need to get through it all.

Holly is certified by DONA, and she's been at so many births- looking over her facebook she was recently helping at a VBAC that ended up taking place in a car!  Imagine that!

I'll let you know as the experience develops and give a full rundown on all the doula info.

Here's to a healthy mom, a healthy baby and everyone well at the end of it all!

What's your Exodus

As I mentioned earlier this week, I went to the JCC Rosh Chodesh cooking and passover class.  It was quite a good class (they always are!) and I really enjoyed it. 

The main tenents of the class were talking about freedom, and what it means to be free from something, so you can be free to do something else.

When I saw Kveller's 'What's Your Exodus' series, I couldn't help but think that this fits right into the mold we were talking about in class. 

I need an Exodus from my expectations.  If I could only be 'one who is happy with his portion' then I know I'd get much further in my life.  Rather than expecting that things will change, be the change.  Rather than expecting that someone else will do it- do it myself.

In order to be free enough to see to the other side of what's important- to get to my freedom to- I need to be free from all of the expectations I've put on others and myself. 

I constantly put expectations on my husband.  Making my priorities his priorities. And yes, as a married and committed couple it's definitely true to say that we should have joint priorities.  And when we are talking about the big things, that's great.  But what about the little things.  Time snuggling on the couch vs. unwinding with a video game?  Putting the dishes away in the kitchen vs. chatting on the phone with a friend?

Far too often I try to force him to have my expectations.  And it doesn't just stop with him.  As a mother it's my job to support, encourage and teach my children.  And with that comes a lot of responsibility.  EG is at that wonderful age when she can't stop exploring, but she's still malleable enough to do what we need her to.  But I need to see the world from her point of view, her level of understanding.

Yes, there are things I can expect- but I have to remember that these are MY projections onto the situation in front of me.  It's sort of like the well of goodwill.  Sometimes I have to realize that my well of good will is only as deep as I make it.  No one can make me feel bad without my permission- I have to realize that I have the power to interpret my circumstances.

It's a tall order.  It's a lot to keep in mind.  But hopefully, as we have 24 people sit down for our Passover Seder, I can remember that each of them came to join together with others.  That the only one really worried about the temperature of the soup or the chicken is me.  That the only one who thinks that the tablecloth isn't perfect, is me.  To smile, relax, and lower my expectations.

Tot Shabbat's Tonight

Merrick Jewish Center

Here's a listing of the Tot Shabbats/Family Shabbat's happening around the South Bay area tonight.

We'll be at the JCC, our usual haunt, for their Family Shabbat- hope to see you there!

JCC Beach Cities: 6pm
Features singing, a puppet show, a birthday gift if it's your month, and some light food (tuna fish, kugel, noodles, etc.) 

Temple Menorah: 5:30pm craft, 5:45 dinner, 6:30pm service
Features a different theme each week with a family craft, dinner, and then a family related service.  The service typically starts around 6:30pm and ends around 7:15pm with a dessert oneg and dancing.

Congregation Tikvat Jacob: 5:45pm
This service promises to include some special Passover songs, and treats for the kiddos. 

DIY Haggadah

Are you making your own Hagaddah?

I've been making my own Haggadah for a few years now.  I started with one from the URJ in 2011, but in 2012 I typed up my own in word, including making the cover you see above.  Since then I've been tweaking it and making it something new.

Of course, a great starting place is Haggadot.com.  They have a bunch of 'clips' that people have uploaded that you can include in your own version.  I haven't been very succcessful at using their whole system, but I have found a few great pieces to include this year.

There are a few from "My Haggadah: I made it myself" which are more geared towards a slightly older child (say 5-7) than my under 3 crowd, but definitely good themed coloring sheets.

I started my personal Haggadah with the text from Jewish Boston's "The Wandering is Over" which they used to feature as a Word Document download.  That gave me all of the hebrew text, and a really nice format/flow.

Add to that some questions I took out of a few of the Haggadahs I own, and I think I have something going.  This year I also added a lot from Reform Judaism's Seder for young children.  I liked the songs, and plan to download them all to my Kindle to have them ready for the service.

I also bought these CD's, so I could have mood music and some other background music playing.

These are the Haggadah's we own:



And yes, we own at least a few more.  Not that I own enough of each one to have an entire seder, but I like to have a lot of resources for people to look through.  Each one has unique perspectives to share...

My family Seder on Monday will feature this Haggadah:

 

Which I like, and has a lot of great tid-bits.  Of course, the reality is that I'm also sort of over it.  We've used it every year for a very long time, and I don't think it really adds anything additional to the discussion anymore.  Of course, with my family there isn't much discussion.  They are always so concerned with getting to the food that we don't do much chatting.

At least I've finally gotten them to the point where we do the back part of the seder.  We'll see how that goes again this year.

In class to in the home.... or not?

What a great class we had last night.  Not only was the chicken delicious (thanks for giving me some leftovers to take home!) but the conversation was inspiring as well.

Since the class centered around Passover we discussed a lot about freedom.  What it means to be free?  Is there a possibility of being to free?  Are you free today?  How do we connect with the meaning of the seder when we live in such a free time?

When I left class last night I was inspired. Just like I always am after leaving my Rosh Chodesh class.  Typically I end up coming home quite late (9:30-10pm) and then I jump in the shower while talking to Working Dad about what I've learned.  That's the only problem with this class- I don't really have anyone to share it with.  Anyone out there want to start joining me?!

Right before I left for class I had a minor tif with Working Dad.  The night before he had done a lot of work in the shop on the tools and the bathroom renovation we've been working on.  Since he was doing that I put away the dishes, and tidied up the kitchen.  I was putting things in the dishwasher, but the reality is that he's much better at making things fit in the dishwasher than I am.  So, when he was done working in the garage (around 8:30pm) I asked him if he could go through the dishes in the sink and fit them in the dishwasher.  He said sure, no problem. 

Of course, he didn't move from the computer.  But, whatever, he said he would do it, right...

Fast forward to tonight.  Needless to say, he hadn't done anything to the sink or the dishwasher last night.  We had pizza for dinner and I went directly from the table to the shower with EG. Then we put her to bed and it was just after 7pm.  I got back dressed and left for class, which started at 7:30pm.  I wanted to get there early to look over all the passover items and see what I might buy for our seder.  Before I left I asked Working Dad to take care of the dishes (again!) and to make EG's lunch.  He started listing off all the things that I needed him to do, which really rubbed me the wrong way.

I am not your mom!  I am your partner in creating a home.  These are things that need to happen in our home- so do them!  Don't make me tell you/list out what needs to happen.  You are an adult, right?

 

So I left, and had a great class.  During class the main concept we talked about was how freedom really has two sides to a coin- Freedom FROM so you can get to Freedom TO.

If you think about it, it's a really great concept.  We need freedom from the things that bond us (slavery) to get to be free to do the the things we want to (worship G-d/live our lives).  We pointed out how the actual text says "Let my people go, so they may serve me."  You can no longer be a slave, but that doesn't mean you are free.

We talked about all of the things that we need to be free of so we can get to the things we want to do.  And I couldn't help but think about my tif with Working Dad.  It's MY emotions/thoughts that are really the problem.  If I can think beyond myself- to him, to what we want to accomplish, to how doing this might make me feel MORE accomplished rather than less, we'd all be in a better spot.

Of course, that completely flew out the window when I walked in the door at 9:35pm.  The dishes from dinner are still at the table.  From over 3 hours ago.  He's been sitting at the computer for 3 hours, with nary a thought to the fact that there is food still sitting on the table.

I sort of lost it.  I go directly into the kitchen, start working on the dishes, and I'm pissed. 

I feel like he's been so selfish.  That he's only thinking of himself.  He says something along the lines of 'you're home so early, you're usually not here till 10:30pm' and I can't help but think that it wouldn't have mattered one bit if he had been 'given' an extra hour to accomplish anything.  The same thing would have happened.  While I was away, he only gave thought to himself.  What he needed/wanted/enjoyed.  Not what was good for me, our family, our home, etc.

I know, I know, you are supposed to forgive and forget.  It just reminds me of my birthday a few years ago when I had a really late night out at a work event in San Diego.  I get home at like 10:30pm, and I'm just SO EXCITED to finally get to spend some of my birthday time with my husband.  I don't think of anything elaborate, just of spending some time chatting before falling into bed.  What does he do when I get home?  Gets up from the computer and announces that now is the time when he will take out the trash.  Really!?!  You had to wait until I got home to do these things!?!

To be fair, I'm sure he feels like I'm being a bit unfair.  When he gets home from work and tries to do things around the house I often guilt him into spending time with his daughter.  We get so precious little time with her each day (Working Dad usually only gets from 5:30-7pm)!  The way I see it is we have to make every moment count, so get them while you can.

From his perspective it's more about getting things out of the way so he can relax and enjoy his evening.

I just don't understand.  In class I realized how important it was to look at these things not as drudgery, but as things you do to get to the things you want.  But I'm not him.  I can't make him see things the way that I do...

So we went to bed angry, hurt and I'm still sort of hurt about the whole thing.  Feeling like I work so hard to do things to make his life better- and he had this opportunity to do something to make my life better and he didn't.  He thought about himself.

Passover Cooking Class

Join me tonight at the Manhattan Torah Center for a Pre-Passover workshop and cooking class.  The  class is $18, and is highly enjoyable.  Last year's featured an amazing Matza Crunch and Chocolate Mousse that I highly recommend.

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