As I mentioned earlier this week, I went to the JCC Rosh Chodesh cooking and passover class. It was quite a good class (they always are!) and I really enjoyed it.
The main tenents of the class were talking about freedom, and what it means to be free from something, so you can be free to do something else.
When I saw Kveller's 'What's Your Exodus' series, I couldn't help but think that this fits right into the mold we were talking about in class.
I need an Exodus from my expectations. If I could only be 'one who is happy with his portion' then I know I'd get much further in my life. Rather than expecting that things will change, be the change. Rather than expecting that someone else will do it- do it myself.
In order to be free enough to see to the other side of what's important- to get to my freedom to- I need to be free from all of the expectations I've put on others and myself.
I constantly put expectations on my husband. Making my priorities his priorities. And yes, as a married and committed couple it's definitely true to say that we should have joint priorities. And when we are talking about the big things, that's great. But what about the little things. Time snuggling on the couch vs. unwinding with a video game? Putting the dishes away in the kitchen vs. chatting on the phone with a friend?
Far too often I try to force him to have my expectations. And it doesn't just stop with him. As a mother it's my job to support, encourage and teach my children. And with that comes a lot of responsibility. EG is at that wonderful age when she can't stop exploring, but she's still malleable enough to do what we need her to. But I need to see the world from her point of view, her level of understanding.
Yes, there are things I can expect- but I have to remember that these are MY projections onto the situation in front of me. It's sort of like the well of goodwill. Sometimes I have to realize that my well of good will is only as deep as I make it. No one can make me feel bad without my permission- I have to realize that I have the power to interpret my circumstances.
It's a tall order. It's a lot to keep in mind. But hopefully, as we have 24 people sit down for our Passover Seder, I can remember that each of them came to join together with others. That the only one really worried about the temperature of the soup or the chicken is me. That the only one who thinks that the tablecloth isn't perfect, is me. To smile, relax, and lower my expectations.