Wednesday, April 2, 2014

In class to in the home.... or not?

What a great class we had last night.  Not only was the chicken delicious (thanks for giving me some leftovers to take home!) but the conversation was inspiring as well.

Since the class centered around Passover we discussed a lot about freedom.  What it means to be free?  Is there a possibility of being to free?  Are you free today?  How do we connect with the meaning of the seder when we live in such a free time?

When I left class last night I was inspired. Just like I always am after leaving my Rosh Chodesh class.  Typically I end up coming home quite late (9:30-10pm) and then I jump in the shower while talking to Working Dad about what I've learned.  That's the only problem with this class- I don't really have anyone to share it with.  Anyone out there want to start joining me?!

Right before I left for class I had a minor tif with Working Dad.  The night before he had done a lot of work in the shop on the tools and the bathroom renovation we've been working on.  Since he was doing that I put away the dishes, and tidied up the kitchen.  I was putting things in the dishwasher, but the reality is that he's much better at making things fit in the dishwasher than I am.  So, when he was done working in the garage (around 8:30pm) I asked him if he could go through the dishes in the sink and fit them in the dishwasher.  He said sure, no problem. 

Of course, he didn't move from the computer.  But, whatever, he said he would do it, right...

Fast forward to tonight.  Needless to say, he hadn't done anything to the sink or the dishwasher last night.  We had pizza for dinner and I went directly from the table to the shower with EG. Then we put her to bed and it was just after 7pm.  I got back dressed and left for class, which started at 7:30pm.  I wanted to get there early to look over all the passover items and see what I might buy for our seder.  Before I left I asked Working Dad to take care of the dishes (again!) and to make EG's lunch.  He started listing off all the things that I needed him to do, which really rubbed me the wrong way.

I am not your mom!  I am your partner in creating a home.  These are things that need to happen in our home- so do them!  Don't make me tell you/list out what needs to happen.  You are an adult, right?

So I left, and had a great class.  During class the main concept we talked about was how freedom really has two sides to a coin- Freedom FROM so you can get to Freedom TO.

If you think about it, it's a really great concept.  We need freedom from the things that bond us (slavery) to get to be free to do the the things we want to (worship G-d/live our lives).  We pointed out how the actual text says "Let my people go, so they may serve me."  You can no longer be a slave, but that doesn't mean you are free.

We talked about all of the things that we need to be free of so we can get to the things we want to do.  And I couldn't help but think about my tif with Working Dad.  It's MY emotions/thoughts that are really the problem.  If I can think beyond myself- to him, to what we want to accomplish, to how doing this might make me feel MORE accomplished rather than less, we'd all be in a better spot.

Of course, that completely flew out the window when I walked in the door at 9:35pm.  The dishes from dinner are still at the table.  From over 3 hours ago.  He's been sitting at the computer for 3 hours, with nary a thought to the fact that there is food still sitting on the table.

I sort of lost it.  I go directly into the kitchen, start working on the dishes, and I'm pissed. 

I feel like he's been so selfish.  That he's only thinking of himself.  He says something along the lines of 'you're home so early, you're usually not here till 10:30pm' and I can't help but think that it wouldn't have mattered one bit if he had been 'given' an extra hour to accomplish anything.  The same thing would have happened.  While I was away, he only gave thought to himself.  What he needed/wanted/enjoyed.  Not what was good for me, our family, our home, etc.

I know, I know, you are supposed to forgive and forget.  It just reminds me of my birthday a few years ago when I had a really late night out at a work event in San Diego.  I get home at like 10:30pm, and I'm just SO EXCITED to finally get to spend some of my birthday time with my husband.  I don't think of anything elaborate, just of spending some time chatting before falling into bed.  What does he do when I get home?  Gets up from the computer and announces that now is the time when he will take out the trash.  Really!?!  You had to wait until I got home to do these things!?!

To be fair, I'm sure he feels like I'm being a bit unfair.  When he gets home from work and tries to do things around the house I often guilt him into spending time with his daughter.  We get so precious little time with her each day (Working Dad usually only gets from 5:30-7pm)!  The way I see it is we have to make every moment count, so get them while you can.

From his perspective it's more about getting things out of the way so he can relax and enjoy his evening.

I just don't understand.  In class I realized how important it was to look at these things not as drudgery, but as things you do to get to the things you want.  But I'm not him.  I can't make him see things the way that I do...

So we went to bed angry, hurt and I'm still sort of hurt about the whole thing.  Feeling like I work so hard to do things to make his life better- and he had this opportunity to do something to make my life better and he didn't.  He thought about himself.

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