Sunday, January 11, 2015

A wonderful Woman was she

This weekend was my Mom's birthday.  Yup, her real birthday.  Not the fake one she had been peddling around to everyone, but the actual legit one that she was born on.  She thought her birthday was to close to Christmas, so when she became an adult, she moved it.  Didn't know you could do that, did you?

Of course, she still got mad at us when we didn't call her on her real birthday.  And her fake birthday.  A no-win situation.

I've been thinking a lot of my mom's path in life.  What led her to be where she was 66.5 years later.  Who could have known when this photo was taken where she would end up- how far away from this place.

Her sister lives in their parents house- my mom, however, she forged a very different path.  In Belgium, traveling the Caribbean.   Marrying my father and becoming a mother to two daughters.  At one point in time she was exactly where I am now.  Two little ones running around at home, doing her best to get through.

I think about her choices.  Those I want to repeat, those I don't.  The things she taught me about being a mother, being a woman, being a friend.

As a mother she taught me to love, unconditionally.  To share that love in hugs and kisses and touches.  Anyone who met my mom was likely greeted by a hug.  She taught me to show my support at soccer games, at dance class, in Hebrew school.  She also taught me that I wanted my home to be open.  Even a week or two before she passed it was a lot of stress on her to have even me and EG visit without forewarning- my home has become an open space, everyone is welcome at anytime.

As a woman she burned bras and saw her contributions affecting the whole world.  She took me to volunteer in women's shelters, packing boxes for the homeless.  She saw herself as a teacher of me and my sister, and a wonderful teacher she was.  As she grew older, however, she struggled with what it had meant to be a homemaker.  How she never got to 'retire' from the job she had of doing dishes, washing laundry, etc. 

As a friend she was a joy.  She was always in your corner.  Steering you and guiding you and helping you through the difficult.  She was definitely my friend, not just my mother. And that's something I'm so happy about- that we could about everything...and we did.

I miss her terribly. Visiting her today was difficult, but also healing in some way.  I can't wait until I figure out how to talk to her.  How to forgive her for not taking better care of herself. For leaving me and my girls alone.  I know she didn't want to, but it's hard.

I love you mom.

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