Going to services has been ruining Shabbat

Happy Simchat Torah and Shabbat everyone!  I hope your torah dancing went well, and you're having fun celebrating the torah.  I also hope you challah is good as you get to Shabbat rest tomorrow.

Since my mom passed away we've been trying to make it to services at least every Friday so I can say the Mourner's Kaddish. For those of you who don't know, it's a prayer that is said by those in mourning.  It's sort of ironic, because it's actually a prayer that affirms your faith in G-d, rather than saying anything about the deceased, grieving, or death in anyway.  Traditionally in temple those who are in mourning, or observing yahrzeit would stand and the rest of the congregation would participate as well.  The prayer is only supposed to be said with a minyan (a Jewish quorum of 10 people) so it's also a public prayer.  Since it was my parent who passed away, I'm supposed to say it for 11 months. This is a lot of information- I might do a whole separate post on the kaddish,etc.

But, back to the main story....

I've been trying to get to temple at least on Fridays to say the kaddish.  And it's been ruining my Shabbat experience.

Typically for shabbat we enjoy our Challah, try to dress it up a bit, but honestly, it's a nice moment to be home, together, and starting to relax and de-stress from the week.  We might go for a nighttime walk, or just enjoy an extra long bath before bedtime.  We light the candles together, say the prayers, bless our babies, and just enjoy our time.

Since we've been going to Shabbat services, I don't feel like we've been as connected as a family.  Sure, it's been nice to go to services and to visit other temples, but it's sort of taken away some of our connectedness, and our connection to the holiday.

So tonight, here's to simplicity.  Here's to enjoying each other's company before we go to bed.  Here's to lighting some candles, drinking some wine, and saying some blessings.

Here's to another day of rest, because I sure could use it!